This is a post I seem to remember promising.
I mentioned in my autobiographical post that I started on the path to Satanism because I borrowed La Vey's Satanic bible from my brother.
So, he was a Satanist before I was. We both strayed from La Veyan Satanism to traditional/theistic Satanism, though our views remained diametrically opposite, more or less. I honestly don't remember this too well. We argued a lot and both considered it a shame that even though we were both Satanists, we couldn't agree on anything. I think he used to believe in the story of how Satan used to be one of god's angels, and I didn't (and don't).
I attended a ritual with him once as a witness. It was a Hate ritual straight from La Vey's bible, calling on a myriad names he likely didn't know how to pronounce or who they belonged to, against his girlfriend's ex-boyfriend, who had been stalking the two and harassing them. His girlfriend, N, claims that on that night she heard weird, "evil" laughter. The target in question's dog ended up dying, which led me to a lot of conflicted feelings. I didn't see why any reasonable demon would kill a dog, and felt guilty for questioning.
I mentioned in my autobiographical post that I started on the path to Satanism because I borrowed La Vey's Satanic bible from my brother.
So, he was a Satanist before I was. We both strayed from La Veyan Satanism to traditional/theistic Satanism, though our views remained diametrically opposite, more or less. I honestly don't remember this too well. We argued a lot and both considered it a shame that even though we were both Satanists, we couldn't agree on anything. I think he used to believe in the story of how Satan used to be one of god's angels, and I didn't (and don't).
I attended a ritual with him once as a witness. It was a Hate ritual straight from La Vey's bible, calling on a myriad names he likely didn't know how to pronounce or who they belonged to, against his girlfriend's ex-boyfriend, who had been stalking the two and harassing them. His girlfriend, N, claims that on that night she heard weird, "evil" laughter. The target in question's dog ended up dying, which led me to a lot of conflicted feelings. I didn't see why any reasonable demon would kill a dog, and felt guilty for questioning.
A few years ago he came to me with an elaborate story. He said that he'd had a vision of going to Hell, the fire-and-brimstone-and-torture version, that it was incredibly realistic and lasted for hours, and the demons spoke to him and said, "Don't you know, we hate you!" When he told me about this, his eyes were large and bright, and he seemed to be in dead earnest. He concluded his tale with the lament that even though he didn't want to go to Hell, but he couldn't love god.
I told my father about it, but he dismissed it as my brother "telling tall tales". My brother's been full of stories about possessions and spirits his entire life, and if any of them are to be credited, I honestly think he might also share my diagnosis and has been hallucinating.
Well, he's a devout Christian now, so I can only conclude he wasn't just "telling stories". He spends a lot of time trying to convert me, which makes me feel squicky and uncomfortable. It's too bad, but I suppose he's better off- he genuinely tries to be a better person now, and he was more misogynist and racist while he was a Satanist.
I really wish he would get therapy, though. He seems to be trying to substitute therapy with religion. He was abused a lot worse than I was- I mean really brutally. You don't just walk away from that without having problems. And he has kids, so he's especially in danger of passing on the abuse- in fact, he has, as far as I've seen. It worries me.
I went with him one night to his Christian group, and I could have brought a bingo card for all the oppressive shit they hit on. They badmouthed gays, female priests, psychology, and a black reverend all in one sitting. At one point I couldn't help rolling my eyes.
But at the same time my brother is more receptive when I try to teach him social justice concepts- for instance he was very receptive when I told him not to use the word "tr*nny", since it's a pretty bad slur against trans people, especially trans women.
So, there's pros and cons to this. He certainly wasn't doing anyone any good while he was a Satanist.
