Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Death is not lovelessness.

I've been thinking about death lately. Well, I have thought about death a good deal throughout my life. I've thought about death when I was so cornered and miserable that I would rather "gnaw my own foot off" than keep enduring my current situation, and I've thought about death when I've been scared of dying, and I've thought about my parents dying and my friends dying.

But now I have new thoughts about death.

For a child, loss of hir parents' love is interpreted as death. That can be quite literally true in the case of children who are abandoned in unlivable conditions or who are murdered by their own parents. The other type of loss of love commits a slow and torturous soul murder that results in psychic numbing and, later, either suicidal tendencies or abusive and violent behaviors.

So I have wondered if, perhaps, fear of loss of love as death is also true in the reverse- that we fear death because we interpret it in terms of our past, in terms of loss of love, in terms of soul murder.

If that's so, then the atheist who has found self-love need never fear oblivion.

Self-love is not just for people who choose not to rely on or believe in a higher power, however. It's for everyone. I think it is not only possible but extremely healthy to not only love yourself so much that you're not enmeshed with Satan, but to trust Satan enough that in either case, your soul will be accounted for when you die. That's where I stand as an agnostic-theistic Satanist. Right now- and I don't know if it will always be this way- I am not afraid of not existing. I am not afraid to die. If I cease to exist or if my god gathers me in his arms in the end are equally acceptable options to me. Eternal torment doesn't exist for me because it is essentially unjust and against the very basis of human love and compassion. Eternal torment exists only for those who have not yet found a way out of the maze of pain and into the light- or, for those of the left-hand path, into the soothing, cool shade.

This post ends abruptly!

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