I've made a decision.

I've decided to be more open about the details of my life. That's because I feel that I have something to offer the communities for which I'm fighting by shining a personal light.

I believe that Satanism and neurodiversity are natural allies. I think Satanism, in a way, attracts the disenfranchised more than most religions, because mainstream Christianity is so virulently anti-EVERYTHING. Mainstream Christianity is ableist, characterizing those diagnosed with mental "disorders" as either being dangerous and evil (or "Satanists") or as being helpless, broken lambs in need of their special guidance. It is no wonder, then, that those of us whose traits are naturally "dark" (people who communicate or behave in ways considered "scary", "wrong," or "way too depressing", INCLUDING those of us given to critical thinking and analysis that shines what is often perceived as a bitter, cynical, and ultimately "dysfunctional" light on the "natural order of things"- the natural order of things being "sane", being Christian, being white, being heterosexual, being cisgendered, etc.) turn to Satanism, or Paganism, or other "dark", "wrong", "insane" religions.

So, I'm coming out of the closet. I'm schizoaffective. I don't hallucinate. I do get paranoid. I've never killed anyone, I've never tortured animals. I've done terrible things, and I've done wonderful things. And I've made a choice in my life to continue doing wonderful things and continue avoiding terrible things. My diagnosis is not my personality, but it is part of me. My diagnosis is not characterized by "bad" behaviors, but by different ways of processing and responding to stimuli in the world, that only become "bad" if the environment I'm in is abusive or I'm handling trauma in ways that become destructive. I'm both a product of an abusive family, an abusive culture, and "funny" biological wiring. I will never be "sane", but I can be healthy, and compassionate, and strong, and I can commit myself to justice anyway.

This blog, then, is going to be a bit me-centric, but only because I know that the political and the personal are inextricably interwoven. I'm going to examine intersectionality, and I'm going to challenge my own prejudiced and oppressive notions. Right now, keeping my finger on the pulse of current events isn't a great possibility for me, because I still find watching the news to be triggering, and I don't have unlimited or easily accessible internet. So until I can get to the news, and handle the news, I'm going to focus on what I know, from my own sphere of existence, and what I'm learning from the people I meet and the books I read.

I'm going to try to update this blog every Friday, because that's the best I feel like I can manage given my current situation.

'Til then, shadow readers!